Friday, December 10, 2010

A Blue Day

It just wasn't a good one for me today.  Despite my best efforts to keep my depression at bay, it was determined to relentlessly wash over me.  I hate days like today, where I can sense it as soon as I wake up.  I try counting my blessings (of which I have many!) and listening to the sweet high-pitched voices of my daughters; even feeling their little arms around my neck and them smothering me with kisses, all to no avail.  It is just there, lurking in the back of my mind, not allowing me a moment's joy.  I know these days are few and far between now, but it frustrates me that they come at all.

I try my best to hide it from people; and especially from my children.  I don't ever want them to think that I have any reason to be unhappy or dissatisfied, because there is no reason.  I don't want people to think less of me for a mental illness that I have struggled with for almost as long as I can remember.  The first episode of anxiety that I can recall was when I was 9 years old, but it could have started even younger.  I can go through spells where I have no episodes of anxiety or depression for years at a time, but since I have had children, the anxiety at least is here more often than not.

This is a hard thing for me to admit and talk about with people, so I will hit Publish Post before I chicken out  and delete this, but before I do, here are a couple photos of the day.  And I promise that tomorrow's post will be brighter and sunnier... the blues never hang around for long, and besides, I have something super cute to share tomorrow as soon as I get a little one to model it.

Here is Mylie who wore the apron dress I sewed for her.  She wore it with a blue Gap St. Petersburg shirt and tights and you can't tell from the picture, but the blue was an exact match for part of the pattern of her dress.  She looked adorable in it!

And twirling...

Again today, this is how Evie felt about having her picture taken:

She was wearing Gap Boho on top and on the bottom (the butterfly jeans) and an adorable crocheted hat that my friend Kelli bought her for her first birthday.

Here is she once she got what she wanted:

Much happier now!!


  1. I hope tomorrow is better! Make Adam deal with the kids and take a break. It's been one of those weeks for me, too. I love Evie's face, it reminds me of a face I see a lot of around here. Mylie always does the cutest poses and that colour blue looks so pretty on her.

  2. i've been thinking a lot about you today. i'm sorry you've been struggling. i hope you're smiling now. :) i just want to once again thank you for being you... and for being honest about who you are. i think you're super amazing.
    on another note - you MADE that apron dress? wow, lady! you rock! i may be hitting you up someday for some cuteness for my kiddies. :) mylie looks absolutely adorable twirling. ♥♥

  3. The girls look so cute! You are so creative and talented, Julie!

    I hope you had a better day today!


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